sixteen years old
I am sixteen-years-old. Of course I am fucking selfish and of course I’m stupid. Of course I’m self-destructive and destructive to everything around me. Of course I see through tunnel vision and only thing about what’s in my way and how to get my way. Of course I want so much and of course I expect to get it. Of course I am like every other teenage girl on the planet wanting her license, wanting to go to concerts, wanting money, wanting somebody to give a flying fuck. Of course I expect my family to just love me conditionally. Of course I am the way I am. Shit.
You think you’re the only one who has things to worry about, things to be angry at, things to be tired of. You are not the only one. I don’t care how better you think you are than me. I don’t care how much more deserving you think you are than me. Nobody cares, okay? We’re all having a hard time in our own ways but do you see us completely letting it take over our lives? No, we’re not because sometimes it’s important to put aside the negative things in your life and laugh for two seconds and have fun with your friends. Do not treat me that way. I’ve been having some pretty shitty days this year but never did I once take it out on you.
Sometimes when I’m doing something for someone, I have to remind myself that if I asked them to do the same, then they would do it for me. And then I tell myself, but I would never ask.
And I just remain annoyed and kind of angry.
I’ve been such a huge procrastinator lately and it’s because I am so unhappy. I’m unhappy with the positions I’m being put in and it gets me frustrated and annoyed and I find so many things not enjoyable. I hate everything right now and I’m just so frustrated. I’m tired of feeling like a burden to everybody in my life and I’m tired of having to try so hard just to get to and from places and I’m even more upset because I’m not even close to having my license. I’m always crying because I’m so upset at everything. I hate being stuck and I hate asking people for stuff. I hate that I’m not doing anything I have to do because I’m just so frustrated at everything. Yeah, I shouldn’t let things get in the way but fuck that it’s hard. It’s hard when I don’t enjoy the things around me and then I have to try to do things I don’t doing. I am so tired of this you don’t even understand.
The end of this year is going to be so bad. I ain’t doing crap.
All I feel like I ever do is give people pieces of me that they have FOREVER and they don’t even freakin’ deserve it.
Because you can change your grades if you really wanted to and you could tell your parents you want to go out with them every Friday and you can go to the library and read more books if you were motivated enough and you could stop eating junk food and get on the damn treadmill if you really wanted to lose weight as much as you say you do,
but of all things you can’t make somebody love you if they don’t.
That was my biggest wish and some thing I just couldn’t do. Complain about that if you wish but don’t you dare complain about the things you have the power to change.
I’m tired of people thinking they’re different. Like I can never ever believe that there’s one person who feels one way or thinks a certain something. It is my honest opinion that everyone just wants to feel special. Like, no you are not special and there are probably hundreds of people who think like you. And that’s probably while you’re so upset or sad because you just realized how little you are and how much you’re not different. And I don’t even think you want to get me started on how—
Never mind.
So freakin’ tired of being around people who only care about themselves. Screw freakin’ you.
I could give a crap less about celebrities. Seriously. Every freakin’ status update is about a celebrity. Home bro, you don’t know them.
